Paternity Leave
by PipunsoberArwenscantily
Summary: Ok, here we go. Three wrongs, plus 13 people, plus 2 vacation leaves, plus an old woman, a present and a long long gossip chain, bizzarity reins. shrugs R&R!


Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or the random old lady. Nor do we own Midii's pregnancy test, or Cathrine's wonderful handbag. We do however own the plot; Arwen owns the dress Midii wears but is never mentioned, and Pip owns a math textbook, which she will beam at anyone who steals this idea. Math textbooks hurt like hell. R&R or no more. Proceed.  
  
Paternity Leave  
  
Trowa walked into Lady Une's office. "Lady Une?" He explained a need to leave the colonies temporarily. "I need to leave the colonies temporarily." Lady Une glared at him. "You do know that the only way you can take leave is if you get mortally wounded, or go on paternity..." "But..." he paused "I _am_ going on paternity!" She looked at him oddly "Well, I can't really prove that so..." she signed him out under 'paternity leave'.  
Trowa quickly exited the office, and then headed for his own. Meanwhile, Duo entered Lady Une's office, to deliver his latest excuse for being late. "You see Lady, I was walking down here, when suddenly without any warning whatsoever a pack of flying monkeys..." she held up a hand to cut him off. "Save me you long explanation, and I won't fire you today." He grinned. "Thanks!" he was about to walk out when he caught sight of a paper that had fallen off her desk. He bent down to pick it up to give it back to her when he glanced at the paper. The only words on it were "Trowa Barton-- on paternity leave"  
Trowa was currently at his desk cleaning it up a bit before he left, when a braided world wind rushed in. "YOU'RE ON _PATERNITY LEAVE_????" He jumped, banging his knees on the desk. "Ow... and no." "But..." "No." "But..." "NO." "Fine then, keep your 'secret'." He made quotation notes with his fingers. "But I'm onto you buddy." He walked out of the office, muttering to himself. "If Trowa's going on paternity leave, he's gonna need another guy to hang around with..." returning to Lady Une's office, he approached her and said "Lady Une, I'm gonna go on paternity leave." She looked him up and down and spoke "Those poor, poor girls..." He glared at her "Just one, Lady." She sighed, then signed him out as well. "If you hurry, you can catch the shuttle with Barton, and you won't waste any more of my time. Goodbye." she shooed him out of her room.  
Duo now rushed back into Trowa's office, suitcase in hand, and within it, none of the paperwork he should be bringing, but it was filled with a spare change of clothes and a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. "Hey Tro! Guess WHAT???" Trowa looked up from his almost filled neatly packed suitcase "I'm coming WITH _YOU_!!!" Duo shrieked. "I mean, if you're gonna be on paternity leave, you're gonna need another man to be there for ya..." Trowa sighed. "Look, I _told_ you, I'm not really going for paternal reasons..." Duo shook his head. "Whatever you say man, but I'm still coming with you." Trowa stood up and closed his suitcase. "We've got half an hour before the shuttle leaves, so we should be leaving about now." He walked out of the room, heading for the shuttle-port, Duo in tow.   
Once they had boarded the shuttle, and had managed to find two seats in a row next to a window. As soon as the shuttle had lifted off, Trowa pulled out some paperwork. Duo glanced at him and said "Oops...knew I forgot something..." but Trowa, not even looking up, said "Well if I do it now, then I won't have to when we get there." Duo grinned. "Yea...Midii's gonna need all your attention eh?" he nudged Trowa in the ribs and then struggled to open a packet of airline peanuts. "Damnit! Why won't these damn things open?"  
They pulled up at the apartment complex several hours later. Midii and Hilde raced outside to greet them. "Hey guys, didn't know you were in town," Hilde said, but Duo interrupted her by walking over to Midii, grabbing her and saying "You had us worried sick!" Midii raised her eyebrows and took a step back "Uh...What's going on?" she asked, looking to Trowa for an answer. "Duo...what did I tell you?" he said, eyeing the scene. "Yea, yea, you told me you weren't on 'P' leave, but ya'know..." he trailed off. "'P' leave?" Midii asked Trowa shook his head "Never mind." Midii shook her head "Er... right. Come on in." Hilde grabbed Duo by the hand and dragged him inside "You have _got_ to see how I redid my room!"   
Duo wandered out five minutes later, looking rather dazed. Midii and Trowa had been sitting on the couch talking about sex. For once, he ignored this pleasant fact, slumping down and murmuring "Its...its like a... a bondage house in there..." Trowa looked up. "I think she's _TRYING_ to give you a hint..." Midii giggled. "She got SO bored last week, she went shopping, and well..." she laughed again. "Took us three hours to get the trampoline set up properly..." Duo responded with "So THAT was the thing under all the leather...seemed rather springier than regular leather..." Midii smiled again and said "No, that would be another mattress, the trampoline is in the back left corner, next to the pogo stick and under the birth control..." Trowa looked at her and she shrugged "The girl is persuasive, and we were bored." Duo slapped his head "Right! I forgot all about that with the...er...interesting bedroom." he continued, "When's the due date?" Midii blinked at him. "I have a library book out if that's what you mean..." Trowa looked at Duo "Look, I _told_ you, I only said that so Lady Une would give me time off! Can we just drop this?" Duo stared. "You're gonna ABORT???" Midii looked at him "Is this some sort of mission?" Trowa glared at Duo "Why don't you go play with Hilde or something?" "Sure, ok, ok...I'll give you some privacy..." he walked out, hands in pockets, and only stopped to say over his shoulder, "But tell me when you've got a name, ok?" Trowa's head fell down into his hands and Midii looked confused. "What did he mean? Name?" Trowa shook his head slowly. "It's just...ah, never mind. You know Duo, when he's got an idea in his head......." Midii nodded. "Yea, it's about as hard to get him to let it go as it is to get him to stop calling Wufei those idiotic nicknames...In other words, near impossible."  
Hilde was talking to Duo while bouncing on her brand-new trampoline. "Uh-huh, so then what happened?" "Well," Duo replied from the first of three mattresses "I tried the one with flying monkey attacks, but she stopped me before I got to the machine gun part." "Aw, that sucks! That's the best part!" "I know!" he nodded "Oh yeah! Then I found out some AWESOME news! Wanna hear?" "Ok!" "So when I was leaving Lady Une's office, I found this paper on the floor, see?" "Uh-huh!" Hilde leaned in closer "So, what'd it say?" "That Tro's on paternity leave... as in..." he paused for good measure "...Midii's preggers!!!!!!" Hilde gasped. "No way. NO BLOODY WAY." She paused "Are we turning Brittish?" "I think so." "ANYway, you were saying?" "So, of course, Trowa's denying it and everything, but then I figured that he'll need another guy around, so according to Lady Une, you're preggers too!" She blinked. "I am?" "It was the only way I could get a vacation, I faked terminal cancer last month." She nodded "I see. But anyway, it all fits in, 'cause remember, You and Trowa were just here last month, and last week Midii had some bug... well, I THOUGHT it was a bug... stomach flu or something..." Duo agreed "Yeah, it all fits now doesn't it? My only questions are Where, When, and How?" "I think we already know How, it's the where and when I don't get." "Well, I suppose anytime we left them alone for more than 15 minutes..." "Ok." Hilde crossed her arms "But I feel a little insulted, I mean she's my best friend, I would have told her..." His eyes widened "You're not right?" "NO!" He relaxed. "Just checking..." Back outside, Duo and Hilde returned to the living room, where the other two were currently occupying. "So..." Hilde said "Anybody want to go out for dinner?" "Er...sure." "Where do you want to go? Midii you get first pick." "Wow, THAT's a first..." "Are you too tired? We can go some other time..." Trowa looked quickly at Duo. "What did you TELL her!?" Duo, completely serious for once, cooly replied "You know me, I never lie." Trowa groaned.  
Once they were at the restaurant, Duo noticed a familiar face. "HEY, HEE-SAN!" he shouted, racing over to where Heero and his date, Relena, sat. "Hey, Ro, what's up with you?" Heero glared at him, then looked back at his menu. "Have I got some great news to--ACK!" Hilde had elbowed him away and raced over to where Relena sat. "Relena, I have _got_ to tell you this!" Relena sweat dropped slightly and calmly asked "Who's getting engaged?" Hilde looked confused "Er... no one ...I don't think... BUT," she leaned forward and whispered into her ear. "Oh-My-God." Relena covered her mouth "Did she tell you?" "No, I found out from Duo, who found out through Trowa." "Yes, well, I would guess it's true then. I mean the father WOULD know, wouldn't he?" Hilde nodded. "He acting like nothing's going on, he must be embarrassed or something, it's so cute!" Just then their table was ready, and so Hilde, Duo, and the recent arrivals; Midii and Trowa, set off for their table. "Heero, you will not believe this..."  
"Milady." Duo pulled back a chair for Midii. "Oh...thanks, Duo." She sat down, very confused as to WHY all this was happening. Just then, before she could ponder on this any more, Relena walked up to the table. "MIDII! I haven't seen you in AGES!" "Hey, Relena! Same here!" They embraced and when Relena pulled back, she looked her over. "Well, you're looking trim." Midii blinked several times. "Oh...Why thank you?" "Anyway," Relena continued, "I've got a table over there with Heero," she pointed at where Heero was looking at them curiously. "A date, you know." She grinned. "But I'm not NEARLY as far along with that game as you are." Midii turned a faint pink. "Oh...ah...well...Yes, I guess not..." Relena smiled. "I've got to go, talk to you guys later, but keep me informed, all right? Bye Midii, Duo, Hilde, Trowa." she turned and walked back to her table. Midii looked around at everyone. "WHAT was that about!?" Duo started "Well, its about your--mmpth." Trowa had put his hand over the other boy's mouth. "Nothing." he said. "Ah... all right then, shall we order?"  
"Are you sure you should be having the tuna?" "Why not?" "Eh, whatever you want." Just then Hilde walked back from the pay phone. She grinned, sat down and said "I just called Catherine." This caused Trowa to choke and spray ice water over the table. "You did WHAT?" he sputtered. Hilde spoke "Don't you think she has a right to know?" "Yes... No... I wanted to tell her." Midii looked up. "Tell her what?" Trowa leaned towards her and murmured "Humor the mad people..." "...Ok..."  
About fifteen minutes later, Catherine arrived. "Midii!!!" She shrieked, tearing through the restaurant and giving her an enormous squeeze, eyes glistening. "I'm _so_ happy for you!!" "What, am I getting engaged or something?" Midii said. At this, Hilde once again jumped up, and sprinted to Heero's table, where she began whispering feverishly to Relena, who then whipped out her cell phone and began calling others.  
Hilde wandered back to the table and whispered to Duo "Midii's getting engaged!" Duo jumped up "NO KIDDING??? TROWA, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME??" Trowa was saved from answering by the arrival of their food. When they were halfway through dinner, Wufei and Sally arrived. Trowa was now starting to get worried about this 'little' story... "Hey Midii! Sorry, I couldn't get any presents, Relena just flew us in express from level 5, so..." "It's ok, it's not like this is our housewarming party or something..." Hilde started to stand up again, but Duo beat her to it saying "I'll get his one!" and then he sprinted back to tell Heero. "Heero did you hear? Midii's buying a house, must be like a tudor or something!" Heero blinked. "But that's like a mansion..." Relena looked up from her pasta "Midii's buying a MANSION? With TROWA??" she pulled out her cell...again. "Quatre, you've got to get here soon!" she said hurriedly into the phone.  
When he got back to the table, Wufei was bombarding her with questions. "Are you feeling nauseous? Do you want to lie down? You look a little peaky. Do you need something else to drink?!" She was rather taken aback by this normally calm, cool, and collected boy. "If fine, really!" she said, sweat dropping. "I swear, if I suddenly feel faint, I'll let you know." "Really, you do feel ill?" Sally said, looking concerned. "I'm good, really." She turned to Trowa. "You. Will. Tell. Me. What. Is. Going. On. _NOW_." "Uh-oh, sounds like a mood-swing..." She glared in the direction of the voice, but turned her attention back to Trowa "Well?" But just as Trowa opened his mouth to speak, she was glomped from behind.   
About to curse the person into oblivion, she heard Quatre's darling voice "How are you Midii? Long time no see." she stood up, turned around and hugged him "Finally... someone with a sane thing to say..." but just then, Dorothy popped up behind him. "Have you bought a new wardrobe yet?" She said, eyeing Midii's waist. Glaring, Midii spun around and scowled at Trowa. "E-X-P-L-A-I-N." "Well... you see..." But again he was cut off, by the approaching people, this time, Zechs and Noin. "Hey Midii!" Noin called, dragging Zechs, who was carrying a very large package. "For you!" she said, kicking Zechs to a trot. Unfortunately, this box prevented him from seeing anything except the box, and caused him to trip over a random old woman, who was on her way to the bathroom. He muttered sorry, but with Noins cry of "Hup hup, Left, Right, Left..." and spastic laughter, he raced for the tables like a race horse. This caused several people nearby to fall over in tears of laughter. Midii grinned. "A present? For ME? Thanks, guys!" She grabbed the present from where Zechs had finally dropped it on top of a butter knife and a slightly used napkin. "Is it an early birthday present or something?" "Well..." Noin paused. "I guess you could call it that...Oh, but it's pretty big, so you probably wouldn't want to open it here...I mean," she laughed, "It's not like you wanna crate it around in your car after it's assembled." Midii looked at her oddly. "Assembled? As in...It's going to be bigger than it already is?" Zechs looked at her from where he was currently seated in Duo's chair. "Hey. It's not exactly small now, you know." Duo stood up from the ground, rubbing his ass. "Ow, man...damnit Zechs, was that really necessary? I think a nice, 'please move, Duo' would have worked just fine...Anybody got an extra seat?"  
Midii, now thoroughly confused, sat down and grumpily finished off her tuna, specifically tuning everyone out and concentrating on her food. "Midii...Midii...MIDII!" Midii looked up. "Midii...Lady Une has been talking to you for the past ten minutes..." Hilde said, poking her in the arm. "I'm sorry...and why is Duo sitting on you?" "Well, he asked if anyone had a seat, and when no one had a spare..." "Right." She turned to Lady Une, who was now talking to Trowa, having given up on Midii. "I see you _were_ on paternity leave..." Midii cut her off "YOU ARE ON _PATERNITY LEAVE_???" Trowa reddened "Yeah...that was what I was going to tell you... I'd used up all my vacation time..." "Uh-huh...riiight...." "I swear! This was the only time I could get off!" "So...you're not really pregnant?" Sally asked, craning her neck towards Midii "Er...no? I don't know... I never checked... Didn't know I was SUPPOSED to..." Cathrine spoke. "Do you WANT to take one? I have a spare in here somewhere..." she began to rummage around in her purse. "Does this mean you're not buying the five story hundred acre mansion either?" Relena asked Midii looked shocked. "When did I say I wanted a five-story hundred acre mansion? I can just make rent!" Duo spoke "So you're not getting married either? But I just made Trowa promise me I'd get to be best man!" "Yeah... and I had the perfect dress picked out for you too..." When she had just opened her mouth for a long retort, Catherine waved a white plastic stick in front of her nose. "I found it!!" she said gleefully. Midii growled, grabbed the stick from her outstretched hand, and stormed off to the bathroom.  
When she returned, still glowering, she chucked the stick on the table with such force that it bounced right into Trowa's glass of water, which he had just picked up to drink. Placing the glass back down he said "And....so?" She glared at him. "We're pregnant _now_." "AWESOME!" shouted Duo, grabbing Trowa's water and reaching in for the stick. "I was _right_!!!" he then paused, looked at his hand that was grabbing the stick and spoke ".......EW." he then placed it back into the water, spun it around with Wufei's fork, and handed it back to Trowa. "Here you go, man, ALL yours." Trowa twitched. "Thank you. SO much."  
Lady Une said to herself "So... he lied to get vacation time by claiming paternity leave, and it turns out that he was telling the truth... Isn't that odd how it all worked out..." She turned to Duo, who still remained where we last left him, sitting atop Hilde. "So... are you actually on paternity leave as well?" Duo and Hilde both blinked then said "_NO_!!" but Hilde added "Well... I don't THINK so...." Catherine began to rummage in her purse.  
  
**** Fun stuff no? Please please please (as Pip says "With cake and Hee-san on top") R&R, we love you and all, and need to feel loved. 


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